When Did I Become a C- Student?

Yesterday, as I contemplated my life, I realized something shocking about myself. I have become a C-Student. I am lazy and do my work poorly, despite my ability to do better. The underlying reason, I don't care. It's as simple as that.

When I came into my current job as a financial analyst I was very hopeful and energetic about it, that enthusiasm was killed the day my then manager (He is actually in the role above my manager, but he didn't higher a manager for me when I got there) yelled at me for something completely out of my control. As I walked to the printer trying to hold back tears, I think something in my brain shifted. Never in my life had anyone treated me like that, even my Dad, who often made me cry for some odd reason, never made me feel how this man did. I felt like I was incompetent somehow, that I had done something wrong, but I couldn't see how I could have prevented it. I believe I could have bounced back from this incident, if it did not occur repeatedly. The overall sense I got was he did not care about me, consequently I decided I would not care about him or my job. Perhaps my reaction is petty, perhaps I should have been stronger and tried to prove something to him. But in my brain the answer to that was, Why bother? I had seen people who worked day and night for this man, doing perfect work, get yelled at in the same way.

I understand that my reaction is my own, a symptom of my past and present. But, I can't help but think, I used to be an A honors student, and becoming a C- student cannot simply be me.

I felt the need to contemplate on this notion because it made me understand how much teachers can impact a student. Perhaps if early in my life I had been in classes with people like my manager, I would have become a life longer under-achiever. Instead I was lucky enough to always have a teacher who believed in me and my abilities, and most importantly who cared.