New Mantra

I will make my life happen.

"It's not surprising then they get bitter," he said. "They cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations." - Barack Obama (Allison Keyes, NPR)

Presidential hopeful Barack Obama has managed to shoot himself in the foot during a pivotal point in his campaign. Currently the democratic party has no clear leader in the race to the presidency. And, with two important primaries coming up, Obama has made a verbal blunder that may cost him the nomination. His mistake not only exposes his lack of experience in politics, but also sheds new light on this poster boy for Change. Could Barack Obama be an elitist?

My answer, I sure hope so. To be honest, when it comes to this Democratic primary you can count my vote as "no preference." But when I read this story about Obama, I have to admit I was slightly swayed, in his favor. Why, you may ask. Because I believe he was speaking honestly. He addressed an issue that no-one will speak about. They will talk about the economy, gun control, and immigration, but they never talk about how they are related. Obama was brave enough, or maybe stupid enough, to address it. And for this inadvertent courage, I have temporarily come down from my fence, and am happily standing a few feet away from it, in Obama's camp.

Trees

Whenever I pick up a pencil to draw, I will almost always end up drawing a tree of some sort. I recently thought about this and found it to be odd. Why trees, I do like trees, but I like the sky too. Then I thought maybe it has something to do with the fact that I won an award from the city in Kindergarten for writing about and drawing trees. I am still not convinced that's the reason but it's a possibility.

I think he's bad ass.

Today at work I overheard my boss talking to his kids on the phone, it was horribly depressing. Not because it was sad, on the contrary, it was actually nice. He sounded so happy talking to them. It just made me sad, the man gets into work at 8:30 and leaves after 6, sometimes as late as 9, 10, or even 11. It just makes me think, what the hell are you doing man? Go home to your kids and your wife. Slaving away at your desk might pay for their things but it won't replace you.

I say this as someone who spends much of her time infuriated with the man, for a variety of crimes that only a manager could commit. But I can see the person he might be outside the work environment and I wonder what it is all for.

What is Next

Many nights, while I sit in front of the television and wonder what I am going to do with my life, I think that maybe I wasted my college years. I feel like I should have figured out what I was really good at and what I wanted to do with my life. Then I realize, I wouldn't go back and change anything. I enjoy everything I did in my college years. If I had done an internship at a publishing company, I never would have become an RA or worked at ResComp. I never would have learned as much as I did or made the friends I did. No, I don't regret the decisions I made in the past. I don't believe in regrets.

Without the past all I have is the present and future. My problem then becomes where is my life going? If my past decisions aren't the problem then I need to make the right decisions now and that's the hard part. I don't know what's next and that's a little terrifying.

I am starting to think that television has even more commercials than it used to. perhaps I could use my time wisely and actually time it...but then again someone who sits in front of their tv all night is too lazy for such things.

When Did I Become a C- Student?

Yesterday, as I contemplated my life, I realized something shocking about myself. I have become a C-Student. I am lazy and do my work poorly, despite my ability to do better. The underlying reason, I don't care. It's as simple as that.

When I came into my current job as a financial analyst I was very hopeful and energetic about it, that enthusiasm was killed the day my then manager (He is actually in the role above my manager, but he didn't higher a manager for me when I got there) yelled at me for something completely out of my control. As I walked to the printer trying to hold back tears, I think something in my brain shifted. Never in my life had anyone treated me like that, even my Dad, who often made me cry for some odd reason, never made me feel how this man did. I felt like I was incompetent somehow, that I had done something wrong, but I couldn't see how I could have prevented it. I believe I could have bounced back from this incident, if it did not occur repeatedly. The overall sense I got was he did not care about me, consequently I decided I would not care about him or my job. Perhaps my reaction is petty, perhaps I should have been stronger and tried to prove something to him. But in my brain the answer to that was, Why bother? I had seen people who worked day and night for this man, doing perfect work, get yelled at in the same way.

I understand that my reaction is my own, a symptom of my past and present. But, I can't help but think, I used to be an A honors student, and becoming a C- student cannot simply be me.

I felt the need to contemplate on this notion because it made me understand how much teachers can impact a student. Perhaps if early in my life I had been in classes with people like my manager, I would have become a life longer under-achiever. Instead I was lucky enough to always have a teacher who believed in me and my abilities, and most importantly who cared.

What's the Deal with Mentors

I just edited an interview for the online magazine I work for and the women had more than 10 mentors, most of which were actual people she knows. I tried thinking of my mentors and all I could come up with was Walt Disney, but I am not sure that counts, I admire him and want to be like him in some ways. Does that make him my mentor? If it does than I can definitely add Oprah to the list and J.K. Rowling. But shouldn't I know my mentor personally?

Inspiring words from one of my mentors:

"It all started with a mouse." Walt Disney

Fun Fact:

Did you know Walt originally wanted to name his famous mouse Mortimer, his wife convinced him to change it to Mickey.

Dream Shoes

Fabulous shoes I love.

I think its funny.