I don't think I've ever had a greater moment of satisfaction then the day I got my college acceptance to UCLA. It felt that everything worked, everything I had worked for in my life had been worth it. And when the big envelope came from Berkeley, I was overwhelmed. I didn't even let myself dream that it would be a possibility, yet here it was, the big envelopes.

What is it like to lie to yourself, trick yourself into believing the life you created for yourself is the life you wanted.

How different is it from simply lying to others. When you lie to others and know the truth does that make a difference then when you life to yourself and believe it. When your whole life is a fictitious set of emotions and memories.

What must it have been like for him, age 5, the weight of his family on his shoulders. What it must have been like to be engulfed by celebrity for the majority of your life. What must it have been like to have no childhood and to spend your adult life trying to capture it again.

You can't go back again, you can't recapture what you've lost, but you can live in memory through your music.

The life of a Financial Analyst - who never thought she would be one


I never knew what I was really going to do, perhaps it is because what I truly dreamed of was never an acceptable carrer path, writer. It is only now that I realize I could have chosen to become a journalist, perhaps majoring in Political Science or even going to Law School. However, I don't regret my past choices.

Becoming a nerd again

After about 3 years of mediocrity I am trying really hard to make myself the nerd I once was. The person who had to get an assignment done on time simply because it was assigned. The person that would stay up as late as it took to write a paper. The person that was eager to complete a task, any task well.

I think my entrance into the "real world," has made me an average person. And I say that in a very negative way. I say that in the same vein in which me and my honors classmates would refer to other students as "the regular kids." In the workplace, I am a regular kid. I no longer go above and beyond, unless it is to help others. Instead I am content to do C quality work. And the reason is because it just doesn't matter. In school working hard always let to something concrete, a good grade, which led to admittance into a good college, and which would eventually lead to a good job. I do believe I ended up with the good job, the problem is I hate it. Now the question is how do I find my niche and excel in it.

Ageism

Old people should not be allowed on Facebook if they have children, nieces/nephews on it as well. It's just wrong.

Its amazing and inspiring to me when I see people appreciate their lives and what they have. I feel like I do, but I don't, if that makes any sense. I am unbelievably lucky, and in a lot of ways I am living out some of my dreams, but in others I am so far away from where I thought I would be it makes me feel as though I am a failure.

In my life I have never been so bad at something as I am in my current job. I know that I am not a failure, I don't get bad work reviews, but I am not as good as I could be.

She was the most selfish person I have ever met. She lived only for her desires, her pleasures and most importantly her ambitions. She was the kind of girl who made you understood why God cast a women in the role of destructing mankind.

non since 1929...

After 8 years, of what I believe to be the worst presidency in decades, our nation is in a recession. Trillions of dollars in debt due to wars that have yet to counter terrorism and have yes to bring in the number one enemy to the US, Osama Bin Ladin. And as we deepen into this recession, we are currently loosing our war on terrorism and our title as the greatest nation in the world is no longer guaranteed. We here a lot of talk about how dire the nation's situation is and I think more importantly we need to think about how we can learn and grow from this situation, how as a nation we can become better.

Our president gave a speech yesterday in which he called out the nation and said, "...dropping out of high school is no longer an option. It's not just quitting on yourself; it's quitting on your country. And this country needs and values the talents of every American." I think it is something important to consider. When the auto industry in America has been failing for years, it is not longer reasonable for people to think that their children can have the same factory jobs they did, they need to think ahead and think perhaps their children can design that car or even invent a better way of assembling them. The sky is the limit and that is something Americans need to take advantage of, it is most certainly something immigrants have benefited from. That is why sometimes I think despite what many Americans think, immigrants may be the only ones that can relate and understand the true meaning of the American dream. They believe that anything is possible in America, that they can educate their children and build a comfortable life for themselves, and they often do. I know, most of my parent's friends have done it, built a beautiful life for their families through educating themselves and taking advantage of America's opportunities. And therefore I believe if you work hard enough anyone can succeed.

murmurings...editing needed

I walked in excited and confident. I was ready to get down to the business of important work, learning, doing. Spending late nights working on budgets and really leading, something I had always done. Little did I know I was in for a huge wake-up call. I was not worthy of any real work, no one cares about your education or potential. They just need you to help make them look good, and forget thoughts of your own career. As soon as you entered those doors, you leave dignity at the door and prepare for spending hours changing black slides into white, and then changing them back into black when Manager X changes his mind. All in a days work, or non-work. On the bright side I discovered www.thisamericanlife.com. A very inspirational and educational radio show that makes me feel far less hopeless.

I think the problem is that there is a huge difference between the change you experience between high school and college and the change you experience from college to the working world. Sure in both cases you work hard towards your eventual goal, however the outcome is more varied. In high school, earning good grades, leading on campus events and getting good SAT scores pretty much insured that you would get into a good college. It doesn't have to be ivy league or the best of the best, just a good school where you can get an education and more importantly have fun. In college you can work hard, gain work experience, and even do some volunteering on the side and all that can and will get you into a Fortune 500 company, a company that even falls on the list of "best places to work," according to Forbes. However, upon your arrival on said company you do not share meeting rooms with the best minds (as you did in college), you don't party on Thursday (work in the morning makes it rarely worthwhile), and more importantly you don't gain real responsibility or interesting work. You are not fit, instead the person who by some miracle of circumstance has not been fired, is ruling with an iron fist and you, you fall under hoping not to get squashed on a given day. Forget being involved in anything important, or even getting credit for you work. Nope you sit in a box all day staring at a computer and re-familiarizing yourself with Facebook (something college did not allow time for). Worse yet, your optimism drains from you like water in a sieve. You no longer believe that hard work pays off, the dozens of members of the work force who lack any intelligence or common sense have proven that to you. More importantly these are not mere minions in the workforce, they are managers, managers of people. These are individuals that have no business talking to people generally, let along managing them.

*** Done for now. Rantings may continue later.

It is very difficult for me to work on things that I feel have no future. Or when I feel that my efforts will eventually be discarded in favor of some new path.

Presidential Address

I sit here listening to the Presidential address. It is the first one I have listened to in quite some time as it is the first time a president I truly support is speaking. It seems like he's taking this opportunity to explain himself and his stimulus bill, which is good and reasonable, but I have to say the constant clapping in support of him is just silly. Let the man speak, this doesn't need to be a pep rally. I don't feel particularly peppy and I still have a job and am largely unaffected by the economic crisis.

I think what the point of this President is being a leader, giving the people of America hope. In the same way FDR kept American spirits up through his fireside chats, Obama feels it necessary to speak to Americans, through this address as well as several media outlets.

ramblings to possibly turn into stories

She says she only wants to be happy, but happiness is never on the agenda. Only pain, pain that she inflicts on herself over and over again, for him. For him. What a waste an absolute waste.

What they should tell you before you enter the world of business.

"Welcome everyone, please check your common sense and intelligence at the door and proceed with caution."

Perhaps they should use it to close college graduations world wide, its only fair.

White Hair

Today my manager and co-worker pointed out that I had a white hair growing out of my head. It should have been simply amusing, as it reflects a frustration we've all had at work. However, I have become slightly disturbed by it. I was just reading the other day that getting gray hairs in your 20's is normal, however since I had never seen one I thought I was still fairly safe. Now the tables have turned, can I expect to find a new one each day, how soon until my need to dye my hair will become a necessity to cover up stray grays? I should run out immediately and purchase myself some eye cream and a pricey anti-wrinkle cream, lest this single gray hair is a sign of an accelerating aging process the likes of which have not been seen since Dorian's portrait, wouldn't that be a tragedy.